Thanks-Giving
by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine
Yakov set out from his parent’s home to find a wife in the house of his uncle, Lavan. When Yakov was told that Lavan is a most deceitful person, he replied, “I am his match.” (Rashi to 29:12) “I know the ways of liars,” Yakov declared, “and I will be able protect myself.”
Yet, by the time the Parsha is concluded Yakov’s behavior is most confusing. He is taken advantage of countless times. He comments on Lavan’s trickery, but seems to accept it. It reaches a point that even his devoted wives, and Lavan himself, are surprised at his behavior.
Yakov works for no wages for a month. Then instead of receiving a dowry upon marriage, he works for 7 years- and then another 7 years when the bride is switched. He accepts Lavan’s trickery in the wages, even though it occurs countless times (31:7 and 41). And through all this the man who said, “I am Lavan’s match,” ends up accepting and generous. What motivates Yakov in accepting Lavan’s trickery? Why is Yakov most generous in his behavior?
When Yakov comes to the city of Aram he encounters the shepherds waiting at the well. Yakov observes their odd behavior of waiting and the shepherds explain that there is a big rock on the well so that all the shepherds must be present before anyone may take water from the well.
Rav Hirsch observes: Generally a public well, meant for public use, is designed with a cover a well that can easily be removed. Here, in the character of Aram, no one trusted the other. They created a cover so that no one could take a drink without communal consent. Theirs was a town of businesslike-stinginess. No one wanted anyone else to have the slightest advantage.
Into this environment stepped Yakov, a man trained in kindness and generosity even to the travelling stranger. When he saw this environment of pettiness he realized that he would be spiritually vulnerable. If you spend a few years in a “tit for tat,” society it is bound to affect you. So as Yakov enters this world of stinginess, he resolves to respond with generosity.
Yakov purposely serves Lavan for the first month without pay because he has consciously decided to be warm and giving. By the time the first month of unpaid labor is over Yakov must have been the talk of the town. But that fit perfectly into Yakov’s agenda. Yakov is resolved to be generous so that the local culture of stinginess will not destroy his moral standards.
When Yakov asks for the hand of Rochel in marriage, Lavan demands 7 years of work. Lavan’s demand was an unheard of negotiating position, yet Yakov consents. When the bride is switched, Lavan demands another 7 years, and Yakov chooses not to negotiate the number of years. Yakov knows that he is in an exile of stinginess. He knows that Lavan will always feel that he got the raw end of the deal. So Yakov refuses to get into a fight. He refuses to enter negotiations. Instead, “If you want seven years, then seven years it will be.”
Even when Lavan chases him claiming that Yakov stole, Yakov responds by offering Lavan to search his encampment. “Show me something unfair,” Yakov declares, “and I will make it right.” Yakov is a great person, a genius, a success. Lavan is looking to pick a fight. But Yakov refuses to allow Lavan’s pettiness rub off on him.
Yakov did not subscribe to “When in Rome do as the Romans.” Yakov is committed to remain Yakov despite the environment of pettiness into which he was thrust. He is committed not to fall prey to the human syndrome that destroys people who consistently ask, “Who got the better end of the deal?”
Instead, Yakov is deeply committed to remain the worthy grandson of Avraham Avinu, a man who hosted guests free of charge. He is a worthy son to his father Yitzchak, a man who dug wells for the public use.
Yakov survived the exile of stinginess, because Yakov was a person who was thankful to be giving.
© 2015 by TEACH613™
Thank you – very well written and topical!! new angle for me.
Regarding the Parsha, did Lavan demand that Yakov work 7 years to marry Rachel? The text makes it seem like Lavan asked Yakov what his wages should be, and Yakov offered to work seven years to marry Rachel. I’ve wondered why Yakov would offer such a long time?
-Harold
RMR> Hi Harold, Nice to hear from you. Hope you are well.
Indeed, according to this explanation we can better understand that Yakov proposed generous terms because that is the style of business that he set his mind to. After the initial deal though, we do find that Lavan tricked Yakov by giving him Leah, and demanded seven more years of work for Rachel’s hand in marriage (29:27). One would have thought that there would be some “discount” on the second daughter, especially after the trick. Nevertheless, Yakov accepts and does the work accordingly.
Best wishes; GSh!
Great question, great answer! Is that your answer?
– Abba M.
RMR> Hi, It is a combination of Rav S.R. Hirsch on ownership of well water, and the Alter of Slabodka (brought in Torah L’Daas) who explains the significance of Yakov’s act of removing the rock, is that he came with no gifts, and desperately wanted to be a giver. Kol Tuv!