Rabbi Mordechai Rhine 

Rivka was finally pregnant. After years of prayer- and people wondering if indeed the legacy of Avraham would have a future-  she was finally bearing a child. Yet Rivka was confused. When she passed a place of Torah- type/ moral study, the child became very excited as if he wanted to come out. Likewise, when she passed a place of immorality and idol worship the child became very excited as if he wanted to come out. “Which one is it?” Rivka wondered. Is this child predisposed to goodness, or is he predisposed to deviant behavior? Why is it that wherever I go I perceive the child responding in the affirmative?

Rivka expressed her question in a thought provoking way. She said, “Why? Is this me?!” and in confusion she sought an answer and explanation from the prophets of her time.  They explained to her that she was carrying twins, each of which had a predisposition to a certain way of life. One would be the father of a mighty nation of goodness, while the other would be the father of a mighty nation of violence.

But Rivka’s initial question is most instructive. Before she knew that she was carrying twins, she was wondering about herself. “Is this what I have become? Have I become nothing more than a people pleaser? When I pass a place of morality I think of my child like there is no place that he would rather be, and when I pass a place of immorality I likewise think as if there is no place that he would rather be. After all of my dedication to goodness, and a lifetime of personal growth, am I really so susceptible to public opinion that I have become a ‘Yes’ person? One would think that eventually I would be able to choose for myself and be able to recognize right from wrong.”

Indeed the Rambam describes that the very nature of a human being is to go with the flow of the people that surround him, both in the positive and in the negative. It takes a special, conscious effort to think for one’s self and not simply be out to participate and tell everyone what they want to hear.

I am reminded of a story of a man who was standing in front of his house-under-construction, talking to his contractor. Suddenly, a passerby approached and said, “Personally, I think you should do a red brick-face front, with tall marble columns.” The home owner was aghast at the impudence of a person he didn’t even know giving unsolicited advice. The passerby explained, “You are doing it to impress me…right? So I am just letting you know what will impress me.”

Rivka was surprised at herself. Had she sunk so low that she felt the need to please both moral and immoral people. Did she really need to have a child about whom she would say, “He will be most comfortable with you… I can see he will really belong,” both to moral and immoral people. “Why am I doing this?” she wondered. “Is this me?”

Rivka’s concern has become a legacy and a standard of truth for her descendants. As accommodating and kind as we strive to be, we still understand that there is such a thing as evil in the world. Once something crosses the line into that realm, we dare not play up to it. We strive for goodness, and we respect others who in their own way, also strive for goodness. But when we encounter a need to take a stand, we are prepared not to sit squarely on the fence. Like Rivka, when we need guidance, we are prepared to turn to our mentors, for direction that will guide us and assist us in achieving and preserving our personal identity.

 

With best wishes for a wonderful Shabbos!