The Successful Jewish Home

Part Two, Sugya Series

Relationships

 

1. Hashem places individuals into a home. (Tehillim 68:7)

 

2. Our Sages commanded that a man should honor his wife more than himself, and love her like himself. He should provide for her benefit according to his wealth. He should not place upon her unwarranted fear, and his speech with her shall be pleasant. He shall not be depressed or angry.

 

Our Sages commanded that a woman shall honor her husband more than necessary. She should respect him, and should conduct the home according to his request. He should be in her eyes like a minister, and she should yearn to distance that which he dislikes. This is the way of the sons and daughters of Israel who are sanctified in their unions. In this way their dwelling will be pleasant and praiseworthy. (Rambam Ishus 15:19-20)

 

Happiness

 

3. “The One who causes the Chassan and Kallah to rejoice… The One who causes the Chassan to rejoice with the Kallah.” The first blessing is not linked to the marriage. It is a prayer that they should have success and be provided for with food and all that is good. Later we discuss the union of husband and wife in happiness. this is the joy of a husband with his wife. (Rashi Kesubos 8a)

 

4. Who is wealthy? Rabbi Tarfon said, “Anyone who has 100 vinyards, 100 fields, and 100 workers.” Rabbi Akivah said, “Anyone who has a wife who is pleasant in her ways.” Rabbi Yosi said, “Anyone who has a bathroom near his home.” (Talmud Shabbos 25b)

 

5. Rav Chiyah’s wife would pain him greatly. Nevertheless, when he found something that would be meaningful to her, he would put it in his cloak and bring it home. The y asked him, “But she causes you such pain!” He answered, “It is sufficient that women raise our children and save us from sin. (Talmud Yevomos 63)

Criticism

 

6. Rabbi Tarfon said, “I wonder if there is anyone in our generation who can accept criticism.” Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya said, “I wonder if there is anyone in our generation who knows how to give criticism.” (Talmud Eirchin 16b)

 

7. The rule is that the weaker hand shall push away, while the stronger hand shall bring the person close. (Talmud, Sanhedrin 107b)

 

8. The wife of Rav Yosef would light the Shabbos lights very close to sunset. Rav Yosef told her, “The pillar of fire would come, while the cloud of the day was still in its place.” She then wanted to light very early. Rav Yosef explained that she could not light so early that it wouldn’t be clear that she was lighting them for Shabbos. (Talmud Shabbos 23b)

 

9. “He that spares his rod hates his child.” Elsewhere, however we find a different verse, “I took for myself two rods; the one I called pleasantness and the other I called beating, and I herded the flock.” We must recognize that the rod of pleasantness is also a rod, but it causes no pain. When I offer encouragement, this too is a rod. If a child performs well and I give him a piece of chocolate, this is also a rod, but it is a rod of pleasantness.

(Rav Wolbe, Planting and Building, Mishlei 13:24, Zacharya 11:7)

 

The Mikvah Process

 

10. Rabbi Meir used to say: Why did the Torah declare the laws of Niddah? Because her husband is accustomed to her and will be disgusted with her. She shall be off limits for seven days so that she will be as dear to him as when they got married. (Talmud, Niddah 31b)

 

11. It is forbidden to sleep in the place that a husband and wife a re dwelling together. This is true even if she is a Niddah. (Talmud, Eiruvin 63b)

 

12. Master of the Universe: With an inspired heart, I shall fulfill the mitzvah of immersion for the sake of purity. I have made an effort to be faithful to your mitzvos, and I look forward to Your salvation. May Your pure spirit and Your holy Shechinah rest upon me. May Your grace never depart from us, and may I always be worthy of the purity appropriate to the women of Your nation, the House of Israel, Amen.

(Prayer recited by women at the Mikvah)