Sugya Series
Family Dynamics in Observance
Background
1. It will be when all these things will come upon you- the blessing and the curse that I have presented before you- then you will take it to heart amidst the nations that Hashem, your G-d, has dispersed you. You will return to Hashem, your G-d, and listen to His voice, according to everything that I command you today, you and your children, with all your heart and all your soul. ( Devorim 30:1-2)
2. Behold days are coming- Hashem says- and I will send a famine in the land. Not a famine for food, nor a thirst for water. Rather a desire to hear the word of Hashem. (Amos 8:11)
3. Behold I send you Eliyahu the prophet before the great and awesome day of Hashem. He will return the hearts of fathers with their sons, and the hearts of sons with their fathers. (Malachi 3:23-24)
The Mitzvah
4. You shall rebuke / provide guidance to your friend; and you shall not bear a sin because of him. (Vayikra 19:17)
5. You shall not stand idly by while your brother’s blood is shed. (Vayikra 19:16)
6. Love your neighbor as yourself. (Vayikra 19:18)
7. …You shall return it to him… So you shall do for any lost article of your brother… (Devorim 22:2-3)
8. You are children to Hashem, your G-d. (Devorim 14:1)
The Challenge
9. The mitzvah is that when you see improper behavior in a person you must let him know. Rabbi Tarfon said: I wonder if there is anyone in our generation who accepts rebuke.
Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya said: I wonder if there is anyone in our generation who knows how to give rebuke. (Talmud, Eirchin 16b)
10. My opinion is that any imposition of observance on another person requires deliberation. Even our mother Rochel who stole her father’s idols to save him from idol worship didn’t earn her husband’s approval. Yakov declared, “Whoever took your idols shall not live.” That event ended up causing punishment to Rochel who died as a result.
Sometimes such an attempt to force observance on another person can have serious repercussions. It is possible that Lavan’s fury with yakov’s family resulted from the fact that his idols were stolen. (Teshuvos V’Hanhagos 1:368)
Perspectives
11. A person who is returning is not yet a “baal teshuva” until he is at the end of the journey, at which time he is like any observant member of the Jewish people.
The process is similar to that of a child who is learning the skills of life. first he only lays, then he sits up. Only later does he sit up, stand, crawl, and eventually run. One doesn’t coach the beginner by teaching specifically the serious laws first. Instead one should simply teach the mitzvos which the beginner will be able to observe. If the laws of kosher are reasonably attainable because he lives in an area that has kosher food, then that is the best way to begin.
Sometimes people try to teach everything at once. Most often this is ineffective. Instead one should focus on the principles of Judaism, and on the idea that what we do does make a difference. (Teshuvos V’Hanhagos 1:350)
12. The husband of Devorah, the prophetess, was an ignoramus. Devorah said, “I will fashion wicks, and you will go to deliver it to the Bais Hamikdash. In this way your portion will be with the great people.”
Who caused Lapidos to join the righteous, and merit the world to Come? It was his wife! She fufilled the concept of the verse: The wise woman built her home.
(Yalkut, Shoftim 42)
13. In the place that Baalei Teshuva stand, even truly righteous people can not stand. (Talmud, Brachos 34b)
The Family Setting
14. It is hard “like the splitting of the Yam Suf” to join husband and wife. “Hashem takes individuals and places them in a home.” (Talmud, Sotah 2a, quoting Tehillim 68)
15. Sorah saw the son of Hagar, the Egyptian, mocking. She said to Avraham, “Drive out this woman and her son, because her son shall not inherit together with my son, Yitzchak.”
The matter distressed Avraham greatly, regarding his son.
(Bireishis 21:9-11)
16. Some say he was worshiping idols, acting immorally, or committing murder. Others say that he claimed to be the rightful heir of Avraham’s legacy. (Tosefta, Sotah 6)
17. If we don’t allow the child to grow, he will become a robot; and if we rely entirely on independent, spontaneous growth, and fail to build into the child good habits and traits at the earliest appropriate moments we will get an overgrown thicket- a wild person. Both elements are essential to a good education.
(Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, Planting and Building p 17; see Rabbeinu Yonah Mishlei 1:8)
18. Blessed are You, Hashem …Who has commanded us to engross ourselves in the words of Torah. Please, Hashem, our G-d, sweeten the words of Torah in our mouth, and in the mouth of Your people, the family of Israel… (Morning Blessings)
0 Comments