Are you a U-Man?

by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

With the fast of Tishah B’av completed, one of the most difficult times of the year is finally behind us. But the perspectives gained can propel us into the upcoming, joyous, holiday season.

The Talmud asks, “Why was the Temple destroyed?”

The Talmud answers, “Because of unjustified hatred that existed between Jews.”

One wonders: How can the Talmud refer to a person’s hatred or dislike as being unjustified? If that is how a person feels, he surely has a reason.

One explanation is that unjustified hatred refers to hatred resulting from jealousy. Such dislike is the result of looking at someone else’s life and judging our own life by theirs. The resulting feeling of inadequacy and jealousy is unjustified and lacks in personal integrity. A person must only judge himself by himself and by the mission that G-d placed him in this world to accomplish.

For a short while, when I was in Lakewood, I had the privilege of experiencing the hospitality of one of the local Rabbis. At his Shabbos table he was fond of telling people that he was a millionaire. When his children would look at him quizzically, (“Hey Dad, we didn’t know…”) he would explain. “If I lived a hundred years ago and told you that I owned a car, and a three bedroom house with two floors, carpeting, indoor plumbing, and a dishwasher, then you would certainly say that for the early 1900’s I was a millionaire. The only reason that you don’t see it that way is because our neighbor has even more. To claim that I am not a millionaire because my neighbor is blessed, is a perspective with which I cannot agree.”

There is a tradition that a righteous person walks with humility, and only looks in his own four cubits of space as he walks. A cubit is a measure of distance close to two feet. This places the distance that a righteous, humble person may look as he walks at about 7 feet .

As children we were taught that this is a statement that is intended to be understood entirely in its literal sense. A righteous, humble person does not lift his eyes too much as he walks. We wondered about it a bit, trying to understand. In fact, one of my classmates asked, “What happens if I need to look up to see if a car is coming?”

Perhaps our Sages were veiling a profound message in simple words (as they usually do). “Four cubits” is a code expression for “A person’s rightful place.” They were describing how a righteous, humble person goes through life. He keeps his eyes on his own four cubits instead of on the four cubits of other people. He does not judge his own success by the success of others. Rather he finds life satisfaction by delving within himself- discovering his own strengths and weaknesses- with great personal integrity.

I once heard of a storekeeper who was doing fairly well financially but was not deriving satisfaction from his business because of a competing store that opened not far away. His mentor advised him: Stop paying so much attention to the competitor. It is very difficult to derive satisfaction from someone else’s store. For your own good, pay attention to your own store. Stop looking over your shoulder. In your own four cubits you will find satisfaction.

The Talmud refers to the hatred of jealousy as unjustified hatred because it is in fact unjustified. To define one’s success by other people is an affront to one’s personal integrity.

So, as we prepare for the ecstatic moments of the High Holiday Season, a time of renewed self awareness, make sure to take this lesson with you. As a Human Being define your self by who you are and not by comparing your self to others. As one great thinker explained: If I am I because of you, and you are you because of me, then I am not I and you are not you. But if I am I by the grace of G-d, and you are you by the grace of G-d, then I am I and you are you.

Best wishes to you and yours for a wonderful Shabbos, and a happy and healthy summer.

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