by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

In this week’s parsha we read the story of the Sotah, the woman who is suspected of being unfaithful. Her husband accuses her of improper behavior. She denies wrongdoing. The Torah provides a system to break the deadlock. “Write this portion of Torah [with ink] then dissolve it into water.” Miraculously, when the woman drinks the potion it had an adverse affect on her if she had acted immorally, but caused blessing if she was innocent.

The Sages of the Talmud wondered: In the portion of Sotah, which was to be dissolved in the water, there are two occurrences of the Name of G-d. Are we to erase the Name of G-d into the water?

The Talmud concludes, “Yes. In order to resolve the matter between husband and wife G-d permits us to erase His holy Name.” Maybe she is innocent. The Torah instructs us to create this awesome potion on the chance that her innocence will be proven and Shalom Bayis will be restored.

The great people of Israel saw the story of the Sotah as more than an interesting story. They viewed it as a message to be implemented in daily life.

The Talmud relates that there was a woman who attended Rabbi Meir’s lectures regularly. On one occasion she came home particularly late and the husband declared that she couldn’t come home until she spat in the face of the Rabbi.

When Rabbi Meir figured out what was going on he announced that he had an ailment in his eye which required someone to spit in his eye with a special formula. “Are there any knowledgeable volunteers?” The woman’s neighbors suggested that this was her opportunity to fulfill her husband’s directive. When she came forward, Rabbi Meir asked her if she knew the formula. When she said, “No”, the Rabbi declared, “Well then just spit seven times. That will do the trick.” She did so, whereupon Rabbi Meir declared, “Go home and tell your husband that he demanded that you spit once, and you did seven.”

Once Rabbi Meir made that final statement, the secret was out. His need for someone to spit was all a ploy to placate the husband of this righteous woman. The students were furious. “Had you told us, we would have put him in his place,” they declared. But Rabbi Meir saw it differently, “The honor of Meir must not be greater than the honor of his Creator.” If G-d is willing to have His Name erased to restore family harmony, then shouldn’t I?

The passion with which the Sages learned the lesson of Sotah is most beautifully seen in the story about Bava ben Buta. The Talmud relates that that there was a couple who had serious communication problems due to a language barrier. On one occasion the man asked for a melon, and his wife brought him a candlestick instead. It might have been comical, had the husband not gotten angry and said of the candlestick, “Break it on the Bava (the doorway).”

As it was, the great Rabbi Bava was sitting at the doorstep at the time. The woman went in the direction that her husband had angrily pointed, looking to break the candlestick on something called a “bava,” a word she was unfamiliar with. Seeing Rabbi Bava sitting there, she “realized” what was expected of her. She banged the candlestick on Rabbi Bava’s head.

Amazingly, Rabbi Bava simply looked up in confusion and asked, “Why?”

The woman replied, “My husband told me to bang it on “Bava”.

Realizing instantly the painful comedy of the situation, Rabbi Bava declared, “You fulfilled the directive of your husband. May G-d grant you two children as great as Bava.”

One wonders why Rabbi Bava blessed this challenged couple to have two great children. Perhaps the Rabbi realized that although it certainly was a match made by heaven, it was not an easy marriage for either of them. He realized the strain that the language and communication problems had on the marriage, and the effort and devotion required by both husband and wife to keep the marriage together. He felt they both deserved blessing. He was blessing them each that their marriage should produce good fruits of their labor.

Most marriages don’t have the dramatic challenges described in the Talmudic stories. But occasionally we are required to suffer indignity, or overcome a language barrier, for the sake of Shalom Bayis. The lessons derived from the story of the Sotah remind us that marriages are worth investing in. We have seen what kind of dedication the Talmudic Sages showed for someone else’s marriage. How much diligence is required to invest in the relationships that are our very own.

With best wishes for a wonderful Shabbos.

© 2014 by TEACH613