by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

The stakes were high. The tribes of Reuvein and Gad believed that the land already conquered was best for them to pasture their enormous herds. Yet, Moshe was concerned that if they took the land already conquered the rest of the people would be demoralized. They would think that Reuvein and Gad were afraid of conquering the remaining lands. A deal was made that these tribes would be the vanguard for the additional conquest. Only then did Moshe agree to their request.

The commentaries observe that there are many lessons that can be learned from this story. We learn the laws of conditional transactions from the way Moshe structured the deal with these tribes. Also, we learn about how dear the Land of Israel is, because we are told that when the tribes saw the Land, they regretted their decision to take the land that was outside of Eretz Yisroel proper.

However, sometimes in life it is the secondary lessons which deserve the most attention.

In the course of the dialogue the tribes declared their intent, “We will build enclosures for our flock, and cities for our children.” When Moshe replied, he reversed the order. Moshe said, “Build cities for your children, and enclosures for your flock.”  In doing so, Moshe tried to guide them in a sense of priorities. Perhaps the reason these tribes were so excited to get the land that was outside Eretz Yisroel proper was because they had misordered their priorities. Living in Eretz Yisroel proper would have been better for raising their families, for their children. Their choice to settle where they were, might have been because they put their livestock first. Moshe deliberately corrects them in his reply and declares, “Build cities for your children,” first, and then, “enclosures for your flock.”

I once heard of a woman who was training to be a nurse, and became pregnant halfway into the coursework. She was ready to have an abortion so that she could continue her career plans, but was advised to first speak with Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach. She met with Rabbi Auerbach who listened intently to her description of her problem and her proposed solution. She simply couldn’t let the pregnancy get in the way of her career. Probing to the essence of her situation, Rabbi Auerbach asked her why she felt her career was so important. She replied with confidence that nursing appealed to her because it gave her the opportunity to save lives. Rabbi Auerbach smiled engagingly and waited for the impact of her own answer to dawn on her. He then encouraged her not to do something that so negates the very reason she  chose the field of nursing in the first place. I am told that the woman carried the baby to term and completed her certification with her priorities intact.

The sense of children first, and assets second, is a value that we see displayed by Yakov in Parshas Vayishlach. We are told (Bireishis 33:17), “He made a house [for the family]; and for the cattle he made huts.” Thus Yakov set into motion a sense of priority. Certainly the assets are needed. But one must recognize the family  as the priority.

A Rabbinic colleague of mine was once presenting to a very career oriented audience. After the presentation, during the Q and A, one person asked, “And what does your wife do?”

The Rabbi replied, “She runs a home for 7 needy children ages newborn through 14. She is in charge of their schooling, tutoring, as well as their physical and emotional well being. She keeps the home in good shape so that hopefully they will all grow up to be productive members of society.”

The audience was deeply impressed by the altruistic nature of this woman’s career. “Where does she do this?” they asked.

“In our home,” he replied. “The children she takes care of are our own.”

Seeing the perturbed look on people’s faces, he added, “Please don’t hold it against her, that we are still alive, and the children are not orphans.”

In our time it appears to many that the dual salaries of husband and wife are necessary for a family to function properly. Still, ones attitude and sense of balance can make all the difference in raising a healthy family.

There is a prevalent expression that goes: A dollar and a dream. I think Yakov and Moshe would have said that the expression is out of order. First must come the dream: the impact of family, friends, and core values. Only afterwards can we discuss the dollar.

© 2014 by TEACH613