Matos-Maasei: Who is Your Rebbe?

by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

The Jewish people were just about at the finish line. They had already experienced the Exodus and the Revelation at Sinai, and spent forty years in the desert. Now they were ready to enter the Land of Israel. Suddenly the tribes of Gad and Reuven came forward with an astounding request. They said, “The land outside of Israel is grassy land, and we have cattle.” Basically, they were telling Moshe that they did not want to enter the Promised Land. Their request was astounding and needs explanation.

Also discussed in this parsha is the topic of the “Cities of Refuge.” The Torah tells us regarding a person who kills by accident, “He shall flee to one of these designated cities, and he shall live.”

Interestingly, the Talmud expounds: If a student goes into exile [because he killed by accident], then his Rebbe (mentor) must go with him. The verse states, “He shall flee, and he shall live.” Without his Rebbe, he is not considered living.

One wonders: Certainly there were other Rabbis available in the cities of refuge. Why would we require the fleeing man’s Rebbe to go with him.  Also, the ramifications of this law are astounding. If a student must not be parted from his mentor, so any person who kills by accident and has to flee to a city of refuge should take his Rebbe with him, what about that mentor’s other students? They would surely follow because they too do not want to be parted from their Rebbe. Over time, following this logic, there would not be a single yeshiva in a city outside the cities of refuge. Clearly, there must be a limitation on when a Rebbe is compelled to relocate with his student.

Just this week I was sitting in my study learning with one of my children when my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and motioned to my daughter that I would have to take the call. I tapped the key pad to answer the call, and I said, “Yes, Rebbe… ” I saw my daughters eyes light up as she realized that my Rebbe was on the phone. As I concluded the conversation, I wondered to myself, “What is it about Rebbe’s phone call that generates so much excitement.” I thought about it a bit, and I believe that the answer is that this is the person in my family’s life who has the power to tell us, “No.”  To borrow a phrase from the Talmud, “He is a person to whom we are answerable.” (Talmud, Moeid Koton 24a)

When the Torah describes the case of a mentor who is compelled to follow his student into exile, it is not talking about just any Rebbe and student. A student can compel his Rebbe to join him only if he has a profound and well-developed relationship with that mentor. In such a case, we may not take that relationship away. The Torah says, “He shall flee, and he shall live.” His high level of living must not be taken from him.

From time-to-time, a person may be asked, “Who is your Rebbe?” It is common for people to respond by referring to their Rabbi or teacher. But, the truth is that a more accurate question might be, “Do you have a Rebbe?” because not every person really has such a relationship. Just because a person pays tuition or membership doesn’t mean that they really have a Rebbe. The law of the city of refuge teaches us that not every Rebbe-student relationship is equally compelling. The rule applies only if the relationship between the Rebbe and student is truly that strong that the student’s life would be diminished by the separation from his Rebbe. Such a relationship takes years to forge, but when it is created, it is a bond for eternity.

In the final years of my father-in-law’s life, after he was diagnosed with a terminal illness, he lamented that his Rebbe of forty years had already passed on. People asked him what was troubling him? He lived in Boro Park, and there was no shortage of Torah lectures or great people that he could ask his questions to. My father-in-law explained that for forty years, he didn’t make a move without consulting with his Rebbe. From the schools he sent his children to, to the way he dealt in business–everything was based on the teachings of his Rebbe. “But now, as I get ready to greet the Creator, my Rebbe isn’t here to provide me with guidance as to how to prepare.”

At face value, the tribes of Gad and Reuven valued their cattle. They wanted to remain outside of the Promised Land because they had found good grazing land. As noted, this is so astounding that it makes one wonder if that is really the full story. The commentary of Unkolus indicates that there was another consideration that caused these tribes to make their request. He writes, “They wanted to remain in the place that Moshe would be buried.” Just as a true student can demand that his Rebbe join him in exile, so, it seems, these tribes didn’t want to be parted from their Rebbe who was destined to remain in exile.

They might have told Moshe directly: “We love you Moshe, our Rebbe, and we do not wish to be parted from you.” But, had they said such things, Moshe undoubtedly would have refused their request to remain outside of the Promised Land. “Yehoshua is the new leader,” Moshe would have said, “You must follow his leadership.” So, they covered it up with a story about grassy land. But in essence what they were really saying is that they did not want to be parted from their Rebbe.

One of the great leaders of our generation, Rabbi Avigdor Miller, was often consulted on great private and communal matters, including the topic of Agunos. Situations occurred in which a husband and wife were separated. Situations deteriorated so badly that it was no longer an issue as to whose fault it was. The question was simply who could approach the husband and instruct him to give a get. Invariably Rabbi Miller would ask, “Who is his Rebbe?” and sadly, sometimes the answer would be, “He doesn’t really have one.” Perhaps his Rebbe lives 6,000 miles away in Israel, or perhaps the Rebbe has already passed on. Maybe he prays in this shul or that one. But, he doesn’t have a Rebbe. He doesn’t have someone who could tell him “Yes” or “No.”

The Torah describes the relationship that a person can have with a personal mentor, someone greater than ourselves with whom we can share our lives and dreams. I pray that all of us should merit to experience such a relationship in our lifetime.

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