Reconciliation Walk

by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

The Jewish world is plunged each year into a three week season of mourning, occurring during the summer months, and preceding the High Holy Days. Concluding with Tishah B’Av, the day on which both the first and second Temples in Jerusalem were destroyed, these days are days of introspection regarding relationships, both interpersonal and spiritual.

Appropriately for the theme of the season, the readings of the prophets are readings of rebuke and nostalgia. G-d raised His children up and blessed them greatly, but they did not live up to the noble role that He envisioned. A terrible falling-out resulted in the relationship between G-d and His people, leading G-d to cause the Temples to be destroyed and His beloved people to be exiled from their land.

The pain resulting from the exile has been enormous. Over years, scattered throughout the lands, the Jewish people have managed to maintain serenity in the face of adverse environments. We have managed to come through both physically and spiritually; but the experiences have taken a significant toll in pain and suffering.  Who can forget the Inquisition, the Cossack brutality, and the Holocaust? Even today with our own State, we sense that we are still in exile as impossible expectations are pressed upon us.

One can imagine that the Jewish people might be angry, and allow the falling-out to escalate. Indeed there is an attitude which says: If G-d abandons us, then we have every right to abandon Him.

Yet, the time of Tishah B’Av is not one of anger, and it is not one of increasing distance. Instead it is a time of thoughtfulness and reconciliation.

The story is told of a great and holy Rabbi, who told his students the night before Rosh Hashana that he wished them to accompany him to the outskirts of town. “The ‘holy ones’ have informed me that something momentous will happen tonight. I would like to be there.”

The students went with him and eventually arrived at a little hovel, the home of a middle-aged man who was somewhat affiliated with their congregation. It was here that the great Rabbi stopped and stood by the window to witness developments. The man who lived there was oblivious to the fact that he had left the curtains wide open. In fact he seemed not to have a care in the world, except for the table that he was setting for two.

“Why is he setting for two?” one of the students asked in a hushed whisper. “Doesn’t he live alone?”

But the great Rabbi motioned for quiet. Something momentous was about to occur.

So they watched silently as the man set two glasses out, and then filled them generously with vodka. He held his glass up, fervently expressed himself, and then with a clink of “L’Chayim” he drank his glass. Then, as he sat back with a smile on his lips, the great Rabbi said it was time to go.

The students wondered to themselves why their Master found it necessary to watch one of the least involved congregants get drunk on the night before Rosh Hashana. But, as they saw no explanation was forthcoming, they decided to keep their questions to themselves.

The next morning in synagogue they noticed that the man had come for services. They were a bit surprised to see him, and during a break they approached him to ask what was up. At first he didn’t let on to anything. But finally he said, “Let’s sit down. It is good that I should talk about it.”

“You see,” he began, “I used to be one of the wealthiest and most prestigious people in town.”

“One day a business deal didn’t go my way, and I got angry with G-d. I said, “If that is what You do to me, then I will not continue to be so fervent in my prayers.”

“So I stopped coming regularly during the week, and things got worse.

“I continued being angry. As things got worse, I lessened my charity giving, my Torah studies, and even my relationships in the congregation. Over the years I have had to sell my house three times to downgrade, until now I live in a little place on the outskirts of town.

“Finally, this last week, I made a decision. I realized that G-d wasn’t giving in. So, if things were to improve I would have to take the first step. So I decided that starting with Rosh Hashana I would do my best, and I would have confidence that G-d would do His best too.

“So what do Jews do when they have a falling-out, and want to makeup. They make a “L’Chayim.” So I poured two glasses full, and I declared that we would once again be friends. I would start coming to services again, and G-d would reach out and make things right.”

Sometimes in life, relationships experience downturns. The Jewish attitude is that although there may be enormous pain, reconciliation is possible.

I was recently consulted by the father of a teenage boy who told me that he had a terrible falling-out with his son. “He won’t speak to me anymore,” he told me. “Rabbi, will you please speak to him.”

I met with the young man and heard him out. The boy acknowledged that he was consistently out of turn, but insisted that his father was overreacting. “So I shut him out,” the boy stated plainly. “I give him the silent treatment, and now things are okay.”

I could plainly see that things were not okay, and I told him, “I see that you have gone through a lot of pain. There are things that your dad says which you feel are way off base. You need to tell him that you are angry. You need to tell him what ticks you off. You need to go for a reconciliation walk.”

Tishah B’Av is a thoughtful time, a time on the Jewish calendar that is the gateway to the High Holy Days. It is a time when even G-d Himself is looking to set things right.

“Therefore,” G-d says (Hoshea 2:16-17), “I invite the Jewish people for a walk, to have a heart to heart talk. I will change the depths of destruction to a gateway of hope. It shall be like the song of youth at the time of the Exodus.”

Are we ready for a song of youth, during the season of Tishah B’Av? Perhaps the song might have to wait for the holidays of Succos and Simchas Torah.

But we certainly are ready for a good and meaningful walk, a walk on which we can talk and we can listen, a walk of reconciliation.

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