How are you doing?

by Rabbi Mordechai Rhine

Yisro, the father in law of Moshe, had come to check on the Jewish people and was impressed. He prepared to go back home where, he hoped, he would be able to share the message of the Jewish people with his relatives. Yet, Moshe objected. “Do not forsake us,” Moshe pleaded, “For you are our eyes.” What great contribution was Yisro making to the Jewish people that Moshe and the Jewish people in all their greatness did not already have?

The Jewish people in the desert were in a most interesting situation. Although they were truly blessed; they were constantly plagued with a sense of self doubt. Despite all the blessings, on at least one occasion they wondered if they would have been better off staying as slaves in Egypt. Even as they were provided for with the Manna which miraculously tasted like anything they wanted it to taste like, they wondered if perhaps they were missing out on something. In this week’s parsha, the commentaries deduce from the wording, that when Hashem had them camp in one place for awhile they invariably wondered if they wouldn’t be better off moving on. And when they only stayed a short while in a place, they invariably wondered if it wouldn’t be better for them to stay longer.

In our time there are many occasions that people are plagued with such doubts. They may be blessed with the best and most dedicated spouse, worker, boss, siblings, or friends, but they somehow are plagued with wondering if it wouldn’t be better if it were different.

Sometimes the only effective antidote is to have an outsider come, observe, and affirm to the person, “Hey, you have it good.” This is the role that Yisro played.

Yisro was an outsider. Yisro was a man of the world. Yisro had life experience. And Yisro came and was like “the eyes” of the people. The Jewish people were constantly suspicious that Hashem or Moshe were up to “something”. Maybe the exodus wasn’t good? Maybe the Manna wasn’t a blessing? Maybe it wasn’t good for them to travel? Or to stay put? Yisro, as an outsider, opened their vision to a whole new perspective. “Blessed is G-d who redeemed you,” Yisro declared. “Things are really good for you.”

One of the greatest gifts that a person can bestow on another is to point out what is good in their life. I am not referring to rebuke style communication but rather to true admiration. Observing a friendship or marriage with admiration causes the people themselves to realize the blessing in their lives and to treasure it. In a boss/ worker relationship people can be plagued with self doubt and suspicion, even as true admiration would be more appropriate. Sometimes it is only an outsider’s comment, “You really have it good,” that enables a person to enjoy the blessings of their life.

It is common practice in our culture that after two people are introduced to each other and say, “Pleased to meet you,” they invariably ask, “How are you doing?”

It sounds like a simple and innocent question, but it really goes to the essence of a person’s perspective. To your newfound friend you are saying, “In your opinion: How are you doing?” Are you a person who is plagued by self doubt and suspicion every step of the way? Do you think everything should be shorter when it is longer, and longer when it is shorter? Or, do you have someone if your life who looks in from the outside and observes, “You know, you have people who really like you.” Do you have someone in your life who tells you, “The way the boss/ worker treats you is really amazing,” opening your eyes to true life satisfaction.

Yisro provided an important gift to the Jewish people. He provided a most satisfying and productive perspective which said, “You are truly blessed.”

And Moshe did not want him to leave.

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